Attachment and Pure Love

Questioner: What is the difference between love and attachment? When somebody says that they love their mother very much, is it a fact?

Attachment and pure love

Pujyashri: There is a vast difference between love and attachment. Attachment is basically a weakness. In the case of attachment there are a lot of fluctuations in emotional levels as per the situation. Affection turns to hatred the moment there is a misunderstanding. There is no blaming, there are no expectations. It is sheer love. It remains stable irrespective of how the other one behaves – be it good conduct worthy of praise or bad conduct worth criticizing. Now if your conduct is good and to her liking then she will feel proud and happy but how would she react when you are up to some mischief or you misbehave? Would she remain loving or would she scold you? If she happens to get upset and scold you over, it then it can't be termed as pure love. Similarly, if we express our love towards her when she prepares delicious food and then hurt her or abuse her if the food prepared is not to our liking, then again it's not true love. Do you get the point? The crux of the matter is that there are no highs and lows in pure love; it's like a plateau, serene and stable throughout. Neither are there any expectations nor are there any faults seen. All the rest can be termed as weakness. Attachment is a kind of weakness. What does one get out of such attachments? Nothing else but quarrels and disputes. Now if you were to quarrel with your friend then that too would not be friendship out of true love because in the case of true friendship there wouldn't be any fights or disputes even after being together for twenty long years. Have you ever experienced such a thing? Do you love your mom truly? Have you ever entered into arguments with her?


Questioner: Not always. But at times when she reprimands me I do enter into an argument with her.

 Pujyashri: Hmm. So it's not pure love. Your conduct is good if she does as per your wish and you misbehave the moment she doesn't do so, isn't it?


Questioner: Yes

 Pujyashri: So you see, it's not pure love then. Pure love is possible only after attaining self-realization. On self-realization when one overcomes 'raag – dwesh' (attachment – abhorrence) and becomes 'vitraag', only then is true and pure love possible. So it’s only after self-realization the seeds of pure love are sown. And as one overcomes the feelings of attachment, pure love increases gradually. All this is mere 'raag' and it always results in 'dwesh'.