Parents' Expectations

Questioner: Niruma, I have a feeling I don’t have any value at home. But I was told by my mother that I am more valuable than my younger brother!

Niruma: Your mother says she loves you and carries your impression on her mind all day. This is an ‘account of attachment’. In such a case it is often found that it leads to ‘expectations’. When the expectations are not met, it generates hatred. This is the law of human psychology. Wherever you find quarrels resulting from love or hate please understand it is the reaction of non-fulfillment of expectations from the related ones, who are closely attached! The root cause is ‘attachment’.


Questioner: How can we escape from their expectations from us?

Niruma: We can free ourselves from their expectations. The other person may or may not, depending on his readiness to leave aside expectations. If we forgo our expectations, his expectations will gradually diminish.


Questioner: If we do not perform as per others’ expectations and they get angry at us, even then can we break free?

Niruma: No. But if we do not ‘react’ in any manner as to why they are behaving angrily or they are all wrong etc., then we can come out of this. We can evaluate, that they are angry because their expectations are not met and they are reacting to it. A deep introspection will reflect this is our file with positive attachment. If it does not touch us within, we are ‘out’ of it. The problem is we quite often react in such situations. We should dramatically say that, ‘This is my mistake, I am sorry’ and not allow any of their expectations reactions to give any suffering inside, we are at ‘Home’! The key is not to retaliate.


Questioner: Mostly people (parents) expect a lot from us and they are disappointed when we do not deliver, especially in matters of studies!

Niruma: It’s not your case only, all parents are alike. They want their child to be a doctor or an engineer or a computer IT professional!


Questioner: But we get confused because of this!

Niruma: There is no need to get confused. Take it positively. It is an opportunity for us to develop a career in education. Apply your best efforts. If our positive efforts cannot match their expectations, then you have to politely say,’ this is not my cup of tea’! Whenever you find them in a light mood ask them to set targets for you according to your capacity to withstand and deliver. But positive efforts at the beginning are imperative.