Relationship between Parents & children

Questioner: I got the things that I wanted from my father by being stubborn. I now feel sad about it as I have hurt him.

Pujyashri: Very well. This repentance (pratikraman) will wash out the effect. Hmm!

Questioner: Yes. But the past deeds keep on bothering me.

Pujyashri: Ok. Then do pratikraman for one more time and personally touch his feet and confess by saying, “I have hurt you by being stubborn, please forgive me,” and then ask him, “Have you forgiven me?”

Questioner: Yes. I did pratikraman.

Parents & children relationship

Pujyashri: Now, what should be done is, to repent since we don’t have clear vision with awareness that we have committed a mistake. If somebody asks whether you were obstinate, you should admit “Yes, I was.” What’s wrong in admitting? Then we should feel sorry and repent intensely for having committed the mistake. First step is to confess and repent and the second step is to make a strong determination not to repeat the mistake again. Do you understand?

Questioner: Yes.

Pujyashri: So whenever you repent change the inner switch immediately that now I would never obstinate for any worldly thing in my life. We insist upon having material things which are finally left behind after death. Thus we bind bad karmas that get carried forward and bring pain in next life.

Questioner: I felt the urge to acquire it because a friend of mine was also having it.

Pujyashri: See how your wish, to acquire things like what others have, has hurt your father. His father may be a multi-millionaire and he can afford shoes worth two thousand rupees, but your father can barely meet family’s monthly expenses. If you go on insisting, then half of his monthly salary will be spent just on that one item. Imagine how much he will suffer? Even then, parents often bear the burden for the sake of their child’s happiness. So we as children should realize how our parents face difficulties.

Questioner: Although his business doing well, whenever I ask my father for something his first answer is no. Still I would like to have the things I want. He claims that whatever he says is for my good, but how come I do not see it that way?

Pujyashri: Now that we have understood this, it’s for all of us to understand and learn. Sometimes, we become stubborn and insist upon acquiring the things we want and even cause pain to our father by speaking bad about him. One teen said that “My father is a miser and does not give me money to spend.” How can one speak like this? Isn’t he paying your school fees? Isn’t he giving you necessary food? Are you giving your clothes to a laundry service? Who washes your clothes? Don’t your parents take care of that? But still one speaks adversely of them. What’s the reason? Mainly ego and anger. Children coming from a family with good values should not become this way. It does not fit anywhere in our culture. I have never demanded anything from my father and have never caused him pain. I distinctly remember I have never nagged him for anything. Even my father admitted that “you have never been demanding throughout your life” though my brothers were opposite in this regard. The only thing that I used to run after was satsang and that caused him some pain at the beginning. He kept on resisting for 5 to 7 years. So my inclination towards satsang and not wanting to get married were the two things he was not happy about. But later on he admitted that I had taken the right decision. He had said, “You have shown me the way to liberation. You are my Guru”. He had felt very happy and pleased with me at last.